Pradeep and Kanan, a love story

Once upon a time in 1967, a tiger named Pradeep was chilling out in the Orissa zoo. The zoo had been built recently and Pradeep had his own open enclosure. Pradeep is dead now but its safe to assume he was very happy in his modern,  bachelor pad.

One day a wild tigress emerged out of the surrounding forest and jumped into Pradeep's enclosure. Zoo administrators were astonished to find two tigers in the enclosure. As a tribute to the spirit of the wilderness, they decided to honour the bond between the two great cats by never releasing the tigress and naming her Kanan.

You would say that Kanan got a raw deal, one day she was running wild and free, the next she was in a zoo. That's her problem. The real victim here is Pradeep. Pradeep had no say in the matter. The stupid she tiger comes into his home uninvited and ruined his pimpin' single lifestyle.

Below is an extract from some website:

    On the 5th January, 1967 at  night  she
    jumped  over the fencing and fell into a ditch full of  water
    inside  the tiger enclosure.  The tiger inside that open-door
    cage  rushed  out and attacked Kanan.  They  fought  bitterly
    until  both  lay exhausted.  The keepers of the  zoo  finding
    them  with many bleeding wounds sprayed them with dettol, but
    they  ran away from the spray in different directions.   Next
    day  both of them came back to be sprayed again.  A few  days
    of  this  treatment cured their wound.  But they  never  made
    friends.   The  tiger  continued to sleep in his  cage  while
    Kanan  roamed about in the bushes inside the enclosure.  Even
    after  nine  years  they could not be friends.   While  other
    animals  can be tamed enough to  respond to their names  being
    called  and  come  near either to be patted or  fed,  Kanan's
    response is merely a growl.

Somehow, the bit about them coming back to get sprayed with dettol doesn't seem like normal animal behaviour. Also, the zoo's vets needed some training if their idea of healing animals is spraying them with dettol.

Hunger Strikes

It takes a brave person to undertake a true hunger strike. A hunger strike that is not intended to be carried out sincerely is nothing but a bluff, an empty gesture.

The true hunger striker must have strong convictions and iron willpower. When the physical weakness sets in it would be the easiest thing to give in to mental weakness and question whether the cause is worth your life. Unlike self-immolation, a hunger strike is long and painful giving ample time for the seeds of doubt to flourish and to turn yourself against your own beliefs.

One must laud all the brave and noble people who have given their lives towards a greater cause, for the greater good. Yes, one must laud them for their courage and then gently indicate to their friends and family that their lives were wasted for nothing.

For you see with modern science, one need no longer throw away a perfectly good life protesting a worthless and/or mediocre cause. One of the great inventions of the mechanical age (thats after star tv came to india) is the Chain Hunger Strike. Well its not truly correct to assume that this wonderfully sophisticated technology was invented only recently or even to say it is an Indian invention. However since I can't be bothered to google up research material we will have no choice but to accept it as God's own truth.

Back to the point, the Chain Hunger Strike is a marvel of technology that allows a Hunger Strike to proceed with minimal casualty and discomfort to noble protesters (or the conscience of the protestee). It operates on an elegantly simple concept similar to the ford factory line. People take turns striking in hunger. Nothing too strenous, a couple of hours and you can take a break. Brilliant, I say. With a heavy meal prior to his shift and a well deserved snack subsequently, a protester will sleep well that night with a full stomach and deep sense of pride. No longer will a hunger strike be hindered by the death of the striker, in our brave new world the chain hunger strike can last perpetually with no loss of life. That will really bring the authorities to their knees. Way to go team brown, east to west India is the best.

However it is only fair to say that the best protesting technology ever made ever is the Union Rat

http://images.google.com/images?q=union%20rat&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&sa=N&tab=wi

Yeah, with one of those bad boys in your party, no cause is too great to protest for. With ratty by your side you do not have to respect anyone's authoritah except mine. Bow to your sensei!

Fragment of song lyrics

Johnny
Angry Johnny
This is, Jezebel in hell
I wanna kill you
I wanna blow you; away

miracles

See the subtle but irrefutable ways god have to say 'Ola' to us:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/newsid_4470000/newsid_4472400/4472401.stm

this list above doesnt include the new virgin mary chocolate or the allah tomato though.

The hindu temple gods drinking was fun too. Fun for the milk industry especially.

macho and banjo...

...kick ass.

at least they did  till conservative retards realised what those innocous sounding english words spoken in a strong punjabi and preceded by an 'o' sound are meant to be.

This show used to air on MTV India (or was it channel [V] then?) and was pretty darn funny. There were two space khalsis, macho and banjo, who had amusing adventures.

"Mainu think space-time continuum me khalafra"

"oye chup"

"oye pomeranian!"

If you know where you can download clips of this, let me know.

best hindi movie ever is ...

...Katha

measures of pain

Can pain be measured? Once again wikipedia answers your retarded questions in an amusing and entertaining manner.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pain_scale

This scale makes pain fun. I would like to see kogi kashewnut diagnosed with number 5. Although, the cartoon does not have enough facial hair to deserve authenticity.

Another amusing scale. This one is even more fun. It lends amateurs the insight of true afficianados of pain:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schmidt_Sting_Pain_Index

This should be a tourist attraction where peeps can go on a tour and get stung by exotic bugs. I shall speak to the director of sideways to popularise.. Kogi kashewnut would make a worthy character actor. His facial hair looks like Paul Giamatti's too.

The last scale to be worthy of the attention of my colossal intellect is the scoville scale for the hotness of chili peppers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scoville_scale

Some of you young un's may not know that ALL chilis are from south and north america. The europeans deftly got retarded south indians to switch from pepper to chilis in their food. The eurotrash wanted the peppers to cure their rancid meats. At the end of the day, everyone was happy and they made stinky, spicy love to each other. The moral of the story is that when you shitfaces say that nothing compares to India chilis and for that reason that India is the bestest country in the whole wide world, you have no idea what you are talking about. "So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know..."

In the scale you can see that regular Jalapeños are in the 2500-8000 range. That is not much compared to Habaneros. Those bad boys weight in at 100k-300K units. This raises the question, are Habaneros outstanding? I will not answer that. Is the real question why would anyone eat those? No that is not the real question and I will not answer that. The important question and the real point of this entire blog is whether I would eat them or not. The answer is no. "Bow to your sensei!"

Jalapeño

Jalapeño

revolving door warfare

as I was walking out of the building I went through the revolving doors. I had initiated the door rotation and was nearly at the stage of sealing myself, if only for a few blessed moments, in a three sided glass wedge. However, some fool thought it would be worthwhile to try and enter my temporary glass chamber through the rapidly dwindling opening. He thought better of it and retreated in shame.

After emerging from the door he humbly begged for forgiveness and told me his head was elsewhere. Had he aggravated me further I would have to dismember his arms to appease my wrath. He probably would have said his limbs were elsewhere.  SARVANASH*


* props to evil little salamander for efficiency advice.

the best hindi song of all time is ...

... Jahan teri yeh nazar hai

A heartwarming incident

At the overheated Manu Chao concert there was an old geezer in the line in front of me. The first thing he expressed was satisfaction that he was no longer the last person in the line. Those are not pleasant sentiments for an old geezer. He then proceeded to express satisfaction in getting a ticket at the last minute and boy was he happy about it.

Near the final quarter to the entrance some sleazy spaniard types gave him two twenty dollar bills. They explained that the ticket they had sold him was fake and weren't being accepted at the entrance so they would give him his money back. He tried to mumble something but his voice was drowned out by the victory bells.

Hah! Take that you pink old man. Who's at the end of the line now you aged bufoon?! Once again my enemies were demoralised and weakened. This made my heart warm and consequently I was sweating throughout the concert.


If I tweaked this a bit maybe I could send it to the crappy soppy section of the nytimes called the  metropolitan diary

http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/newyorkandregion/columns/metropolitandiary/index.html

The Master of Seduction

This is an excerpt from a book by someone you all know as the master of seduction. He is a true ladies man. When he's in town, woman swoon and men look on in envy. Thus spoke the telegu cassanova:

They lay in silence for a long long time. As it grew darker,
they came closer. He lay with his head on her lap while she combed
through his smooth hair with her fingers and kissed him on the
forehead. Then they exchanged places and she rested her head on his
chest, making him feel her undulating breast-line against himself.
Their bodies, like strangers meeting for the first time, introduced
themselves to each other.

That be right. You do know who wrote that. None other than the sexy and rugged PV Narasimha Rao. After liberalising the economy he proceeded to liberate our libidos.

Fragment of Song Lyrics

"and bruno said what anders said some producer said to young lennon  ‘they can't all be ballads julian’"

of Clerks, Janitor, Jeeves and Bison

Bison:
Damn right I ate the philly bison cheese steak wrap. I kicked another species' arse. Here ostrich burger, here boy.

Janitor:
Through cosmic incompetence, the janitor and I have been going to the bathroom at the same time. Why does my wee-wee time coincide with his toilet cleaning time? I do not know, but he finds it very amusing. He laughs loudly and shakes his head in mock disbelief and say "Every time!". Thats right, every time I want to go to the bathroom around five pm, I live in fear of having the jackass ruin my urination.

Jeeves:
Good natured people should NOT clean bathrooms. This sort of work should be left to sullen people. This is why I would not like to have a butler like Jeeves. He is not trustworthy. I recommend getting a surly ****** servant named Jeevan. He will hate you and you will know it.

Clerks:
And the tag line for Clerks II is

"With no power, comes no responsibility."

There it nothing more to say. Ever.

* wow i censored myself. I guess I must fear Nepalis. I mean ******s