bidis

and so I smoked a bidi.

My mouth tastes like servant.

Barry's bestest friend

One day, Barry was walking through central park. It was sunny and warm with a 4% chance of rain. Everyone was happy except Barry. Even the sewer rat he was munching on couldn't improve his mood. You see, dear reader, Barry was lonely.

As he walked, he felt something warm and wet drip on his neck. "Darn weather.com" he sighed and moped along sucking up the rat's tail.

Once again something slopped on his head. He examined some of it with his fingers.

"Hmm it looks like shit, it smells like shit, feels like shit"

After a moment

"It tastes like shit too. Not the best I've had though. But weather.com had a zero percent chance of shit showers, how can this be?!"

He looked up and saw a hideous leathery bag flapping above him. The bag wavered a bit then made a hard landing in front of Barry. Shit splashed all over Barry.

"This is worse than when I worked on that Aristocrats show" He said aloud.

"Hey asshole you think thats bad, imagine being bloated and cramped 365 days a year." The flying bag of shit was speaking!

Barry stared at it. It had stubby ragged wings and wore a diaper that was overflowing with shit. As he gaped, it fumbled in its pocket and took out a tampon.

"What manner of beast are you?!" Barry demanded of the curious creature.

The disgusting flying creature straightened up, chest swelling with pride, diaper swelling with shit. "What am I? Sir, I will have you know that I am Yakko and I am a Menstruating Shit-Bird!!!"

Barry pondered over that. "So are you a dual purpose bird, i.e. do you menstruate and shit or are you a bird that menstruates shit?" Barry lay down. Such sophisticated thoughts hurt his head.

A tear slid down Yakko's foul face. "Finally I have found someone who understands me,who understands the dilemma that fractures my very soul!" He lay down next to Barry.

They looked at each other for a moment and then both leaned forward and retched. After that they laughed nervously and gazed at each other in silence.

Barry broke the silence "I don't know how to ask this.." He stopped shyly.

Yakko reached out and held his hand "You don't need to say any words. I can hear you with my heart! Yes, Yes I will be your bestest, fastest, bosomest friend ever!!!"

They danced with joy till a squirrel smacked them senseless upside the head.

Then they made love.