Vewy vewy funny

Last night I ordered sauteed rabbit. The food was taking a long time to come. What was probably happening is that they were defrosting the meat. When we asked the waiter about the delay, he said they were killing the rabbit. When he saw some shocked looks he said he was kidding. I did not find that funny. I was not amused that cute little critters were not being slaughtered in the kitchen. I nearly lost my appetite but luckily the bunny was quite yummy.

A jackal's wedding

Today it was raining even as the sun was shining. In some parts of North India, when this happens people say a jackal is getting married.

Does that mean one jackal is getting married or two? What happens when a jackal gets laid? In any case jackals are idiots and so are you.

New frontiers

And so to expand my knowledge of new animals I examined the meat aisle of the grocery store. There were a couple of critters I need to consume. There was bison meat and wild boar sausages.

There was fine print on the wild boar sausage package. It said it contains feral swine.
The day will come when I too will contain feral swine.

Danger in the big city

This is a serious blog and not for your amusement. Sometimes you see signs of a calamity on the streets of Manhattan. Even though you weren't there when it happened, the evidence left behind gives a vivid picture of the horror someone has gone through. You may never meet the victim but the trail of terror is painted on the sidewalks block after block. The city has many laws and safeguards to prevent these human tragedies but it’s never enough. And when you do see it, you start asking yourself the same questions each time. What were they feeling? Were they scared? How did they react to the initial shock? Did they think the horror would ever end? Did they survive the ordeal? These are some of the questions that come to mind. However careful you are, the question that's most important is 'What if it happened to me?'

That’s right, I'm talking about stepping on dog shit. Sure the owners are supposed to pick it up in little plastic bags and throw it away but do they always do that? Hell no. I myself have had several close calls with doggy turds lying in my path like so many claymore land mines. Let us take a moment to think of the victims of that gross negligence. You see first the shitty footprints, then the streaks begin where they've realized what’s happened. The long streaks to scrape stuff off on the pavements, smaller streaks where they've employed the curb or a step for the useful edge. Sometimes a tree will do. Block after block you see the battle carrying on and on. If you follow the brown trail will you find the victim in some corner scared and weeping and smelling like shit? Eventually most of the turd is scraped off but the mental trauma may never heal.

UCC(R)

And so from the japanese store, I bought an odd looking canned drink. It turned out be what we refer to in the Indian vernacular as a 'cold coffee'. And unsurprisingly, the label did state UCC (R) COFFEE. There is also an informative 'WITH MILK' statement in the next line. Needless to say it was the best canned cold coffee I've ever had.

After drinking a canned drink, I usually crush the can with one hand and toss it in the non-recycling bin. It appears that the UCC(R) coffee can is made from samurai steel and it took two hands to make a dent in the damn thing. Other cans are feeble and weak compared to this product of ancient japanese heritage.

UCC UESHIMA COFFEE CO. LTD from Chuo-ku, Kobe I bow to you and your Hattori Honzo cans.

Oh yeah and their tag line kicks ass:

UCC: The pioneer maker of the canned liquid coffee in Japan. Come on, and enjoy its original taste.

Appreciate how they distinguish themselves from the canned non-liquid coffee market.

viki viki vild vild

this is an extract from the did-you-know section of wikipedia hindi:

कि काली-गर्दन वाली स्टिल्ट (Black-necked stilt, तसवीर देखें) पक्षी को देखकर ऐसा लगता है कि उसने काला कोट-पैंट पहना हुआ हो, और उसके चूज़े अंडे से निकलने के दो घंटे बाद ही तैर सकते हैं ?

I now know that when you look at the black-necked stilt it looks like its wearing black coat and pants.

thank you wikipedia hindi. god bless

a song for when it hurts

when i called the hedgehog a retarded spiny shit, I really meant to say retarded spiky shit. The thought of a spiky shit is disconcerting so I will soothe your hurt feelings with this inspirational inspired song

Well shes floating through the muck
With a potty mind thats swimming round
Toilet paper and cling-ons
And turdbeans and fart tales
Thats all she ever thinks about
Flushing down the drain.

Float on little turd,
Yeah yeah, yeah, little shit

notes on wildlife

thats right, I am going to tell you of the critters I saw when I was in the wilderness of the
.
.
.
the United Kingdom!

I saw and this is in no particular order:

deer: they were stupid
rabbits: also stupid
squirrels: stupid
birds: stupid
ducks: retarded
geese: dumbest animals around AND they shit all over the place
a fox: i only got a quick glance but I'd be willing to bet it was dumb
a hedgehog:actually this one critter might dumber than the geese. I saw it snuffling around in some leaves and it looked cute so I hit it with my umbrella. I wanted to see it curl into a ball which is allegedly the defence mechanism of hedgehogs. Despite much prodding with the umbrella, the retarded spiny shit just went about its business of rooting through leaves. Hence I learnt that it has zero survival skills and is stupid.

lost and found

There is a group of people who are looking for girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls who do girls like they're boys. If you find the above, please let Blur know.

sausages..

are good.

Wurst is german for sausage.. so is Brat-wurst a sausage made from annoying little kids?

I hope so.

are women smarter than men? I say no

People like to waste their time debating over sweeping generalisations such as men being smarter than women and vice versa. So are women smarter than men? The answer is a resounding no. Try and follow my logic now. By the end of my explanation you will have a clear understanding of my rationale. Prepare to be surprised. Here goes, women are not smarter than men because they are idiots. Hence proved.

The wiser amongst you might then state that based on my irrefutable logic, men are smarter than women. That is not true. Men are also idiots. In fact if you compare any gender, race, country or whatever fancy-ass demographic you can think of, one set will not be smarter than the other because they are all idiots. If you disagree with me you are an oversized idiot and I will destroy you.