He-Guru and She-Guru

What is a "indian" word for female Guru? To the average south asian, the usage does not seem quite right. What would you rather say? Devi? Mata?

They say that inuits have many words for snow. well you should know that 'they' are always lying: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eskimo_words_for_snow

Anyway the concept underlying that is: etymology revealing something about the culture being studied. E.g. many words for snow means you see a lot of it. No word for snow, means you live in a desert.

Now, the eager young intellectual pups amongst you are leaping to the conclusion that no satisfactory female form of the word 'Guru' would indicate that there is no such thing as a wise indian woman.

Hah! I laugh at you naive, gullible feeble minded mutts making generic stereotypes out of a single data point. Only I have the mental calibre to deal with the data presented and pierce the veil of ignorance. The greater truth is that there is no such as a wise woman, indian or not.

Now now, dont get all antsy you feminists. Do you really want to join the league of those classified as gurus?  is it that desirable a club membership? Really what makes a guru a guru?

Long matted hair
infrequent access to food
unkempt
shabby clothing
chanting/muttering
unwashed bodies
begging for alms
drug use
prone to interacting with entities beyond the sight and sound of normal folk.

Why then Manhattan has tons of gurus! we call them homeless! boy do they smell!

they come on the subway and kill your spiritual nasal senses. make you cry out "oh god!" in spiritual ecstasy. speaking of subways, I saw a midget saunter into the subway the other day. He just ducked right under the turnstile. no toll, the cunning little rascal! But really, would you issue a ticket to a midget ducking fare?

Some of you think the cops would be too politically correct to do that or maybe NYPD would feel bad for the wee guy. Wrong again turds, the truth is that they would be laughing too much to write out the challan. Only I have the insight to see the truth in everyday life. because i wear acuvue contast. oasys. hellz yeah 

betrayal

today i have felt the bitter bitter taste of betrayal

it had a been a fair sunny day except for the gray skies and rain. I had had a tolerable snack of chocolate covered espresso beans after a lunch of beer battered fish and chips. cornbread too aye and I had quaffed a special blend of sprite and coke too.

 A cup of coffee in the anon had helped me mightily.

and then now, as I scavenged the cupboards, a treat was found. Raw shelled pistachios.

All was well and good. except for the last pistachio which tasted foul. why did it have to be the last one? nasty, bitter. it just undid the effect of all the pistachios before it.

you have betrayed me yet again trader joe...

there are many such traitors in life; trader joe, pandora, trafffic lights, NJ tax credits towards NY state income tax, surprise party throwers...

All of you have tricked me at the last minute. all of you will pay...

Tusk-kwan-do

Its an unintuitive concept but forest elephants are surpsingly quiet for their enormous size.

Media hype potrays movie elephants as crashing through brush & trees, trumpeting madly as they chase down humans to eat.
In reality they move slowly and calmly avoiding obstacles as they search for leaves. grass and shoots to eat. Shame on you hollywood

Their huge feet and mass muffle the crackling of twigs and leaves so one may find an elephant lurking unobserved near oneself.

Elephants also communicate in infrasonics. Their language is beyond the range of human beings.

And yes, when threatened (or sometimes just drunk) they can be destructive and kill humans.

Lets cover that again. Elephants are quiet and stealthy, very powerful and large, carry sharp pointy things, communicate secretly and lethal to their enemies (or sometimes just when you looked at them funny).

do that math yourself, homes. you know what that conclusion leads to:

OMG!!!!! Elephants are giant ninjas!!!!

The disease of the day is...

...Leprosy!           

Once a devastating and fearful ailment, this oldie but goldie has itself been devastated by modern science. The highway of progress has reduced this once and mighty and repulsive sickness to a cliche.

I myself am guilty of forgetting this awesome insult. I used the word 'leper' in an email today but a quick search of my mailbox showed that had used it only once before in an email. Absolutely careless of me...

Anyway, I recently read an article that described how lepers in this day and age were still treated as (surprise surprise) lepers. So whats if its still a completely curable disease, its still an iconic insult from time immemorial. We cannot allow the needs of a small scattering of pitiful humans to dictate the offensive capabilities of the larger healthier human population.

The best leper cartoon I saw was on some music video channel. MTV or VH1. its called "Leprosy Nachos". it may be on youtube or elsewhere. Not for the light hearted. It may make you throw up.

Hey leprosy ain't great but that's no reason to commit bacterial genocide. It has some plus points too. Without leprosy, there would be fewer beggars and everyone wants more beggars right? Also what would nuns in need of spiritually rewarding work do?

You know what would be really cool? Giving leprosy to these. Wouldn't you be confused then? Should you treat them like lepers or pariahs or mangy mongrels?  Knowing the right etiquette is not easy.
 

thoughts on becoming 30. Is there where I wanted to be?

as I approach a milestone decade, I take a moment to guage my life and what I've achieved. Ten years ago when  I was a young whippersnapper of twenty years I never cared about aging and what i'd do with my life. I was young and full of potential. As Tom Petty sings "the future was wide open". If the youthful me was able to sneak a peek into the future and see a day in my life now, what would he think? Would he be surprised? disappointed? What was today like for me? :

1. breakfast at home=honey nut cheerios with fat free milk
2. breakfast at work=quaker oats with sprinkling of sugar in the raw
3  snack=some number of raw macadamian nuts and honey roasted almonds
4. snack=organic washed and peeled baby carrots
5. lunch=chips and salsa and guacamole, tortilla chicken soup, wet ranchero burrito
6. Post lunch coffee=double espresso in milk with sugar
7. Work dessert=slice of blueberry pie, slice of apple pie
8. snack=some number of raw macadamian nuts and honey roasted almonds

and its just 5 PM. Friday night looms ahead of me...

One can say with certainty that the young me could never have imagined this would be his life 10 years on. And if he saw me now boy would his mind be blown! I mean wow, raw macadamian nuts AND honey roasted almonds???? Really, talk about being spoiled for choice. I just eat them in turns because they are so damn good. Which ones are better? In the end the honey roasted almonds win out even though the raw macadamians are a superior food. Some days the balance may shift the other way, who knows?. and thats always that abyss of unknown that I fearlessly plunge into. Coming up on 30 years and damn right,I still live my life the way I always have, on a razor's edge of danger and rock'n'roll.