Monday, January 29, 2007

Trivia and Wisdom

First the trivia:

A menu in a restaurant stated that Red Bull was invented in Thailand in the 80's.

A large number of action figures were made as movie merchandise for Conan the Barbarian. However the violence, etc. of the movie was deemed unsuitable for children. The toy makers then made up a character to sell the surplus of toys. And thus He-Man was born.

And now the wisdom:

When I was in high school doing physics, everyone would talk about this book by Resnick and Haliday as if it was the definitive bible of physics. The problem was that it was too high funda for us. We couldn't understand a word. It was up there on a pedestal, unused even though several of us dared to purchase it at a hefty price.

I went on to study physics for my undergrad and it turns out that Resnick Haliday isnt really on any of the reading lists. It seems that its not technical enough for college physics. What the hell? Clearly there was a disconnect here. How did it go from being too complicated to too retarded???

Similarly, there is that pen with a chick on it in a bikini. Remember that one when you press the button the clothes come off? When I was younger I really,really wanted that pen but didn't have the means. Now I have the means but the pen is too tacky to own. Somewhere in time and space is a version of me that both wants the pen and can acquire it too.

Friends, in life we too identify these focal points of synergy and act upon our wishes to acquire true happiness. Go forth and seek your naked chick pen life happiness nodes.






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Friday, January 26, 2007

Theological question

Are the chicken schwarmas unlimited because its heaven or is it heaven because of the unlimited chicken schwarmas?

I'm not sure but I think you stink of hog urine. Get lost, you hog pee bastard or hoggette pee bitch as the case might be.





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Saturday, January 20, 2007

Narmada Style Protest rally on the 22nd floor

So it was fairly peaceful with only an isolated incidence of violence. None of the flea infested protesters in fact turned up. No wonder the dam got built, you low income slackers. Alas, corporate devastation has struck this land. And so it is the way of progress. My habitat is now efficient, sleek, conducive to communication, more social, etc. etc. Just awful I tell you. Why weren't there hippies chained to the cubical walls, you bastards?

Anyway that one incidence of violence happened at the Narmada Protest after-party. Around 4:00 AM, tired of her overbearing views, fellow activists strung up arundhati roy by the nose ring and pelted her with meadow muffins.




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Friday, January 19, 2007

Sardar Sarovar Dam at Narmada

Wow, so Narmada is finally done. What will all those protesters do now? Where can their years of patient if ineffective experience be applied? Who will they hunger strike for now, I ask you?

To my aid, smelly hippies, I need your help!

That's right, evil corporations are destroying my environment and habitat. Already long standing partitions have been torn down to accommodate overpopulation of employees. Where once pristine cubicles stood, there is only a barren flat open workplace. Where once a free independent native (me, you dumb asses, I'm talking about me) sat alone, four to five will be crowded in.

Indignineous dwellers(me again, retards) are being forced to change their mysterious secluded ways. Modern ways have exposed the native's traditional lifestyle and computer monitors to the scrutiny of peers and colleagues. Will their ancient role of Deputy Fire Warden of this land be stripmined away by the newcomers? Will they be exposed to diseases for which they have no resistance such as punctualitiness and diligenceitis?

No you bums, we must not condone the destruction of the cubicles and robbing of wardenship! Come hippies, beatniks, activists,paid protesters,union rats, arundhati roys! Your new cause awaits you on the 22nd floor.




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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

about pork lard and how it saved my marriage

What we need is a service where I can smell all sorts of different cuisines so that I will find it easier to decide what cuisine I am in the mood for. You may think you are in the mood for subtly flavoured Thai food when in harsh cold reality, you are craving greasy, congealed pork lard. You will never know unless you can smell both side by side.

To further improve the efficiency of society I propose that certain professions be consolidated. Redundancy leads to loss of time and higher overheads. Henceforth OBGYNs should also perform Brazilian bikini waxing while they are fiddling down there. Furthermore in the interest of humanity they should cease to use the indecipherable title of 'OBGYN' and call themselves 'Poon Peons'.

The other day I saw a very dusty lady. She was checking tickets at the movie theatre. One of the parsees queried whether that meant poor application of make up. I had to clarify that the lady looked like she had dust on her hair, clothes and face. She also looked somewhat faded. Perhaps it is the fashion this season.

I'm not married but I'm sure pork lard could save anything. Go pork lard, go!



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Friday, January 12, 2007

One

He was what One would call an onion complexioned person. Although One might also argue that 'onion' doesn't really represent a colour or hue. However, One might also choose to take a dump with One's pants on. One is clearly free to do whatever the hell One wants.

The question then arises waht cuisine is eaten in heaven. Do heavenly entities like angels and seraphs get to eat take out and pizza on a regular basis or perhaps they prefer dal and rice?  The most likely scenario is that inspite of a certain odd cab driver's assertion, arabic is not what we will have to speak when we die. Even so according to Dr. Texanpaul we get to eat unlimited chicken schwarma in heaven.


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