Thank you for your compliments

Last Halloween, as I walked on the streets people said to me:

"Hi Obi-Wan!"

Others complimented me on my fine lobster.

In reality, I was not Obi Wan, I was a swashbuckling pirate. Secondly that was not a lobster, it was a giant cockroach.

Next time keep your filthy miscompliments to yourself. ignorant turds.

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one-blade fan

the one-blade fan is a story told to me by a lying, deceitful, charlatan prone to exaggerating and malicious content. He told me that when he and friend were in the market for masters in computer science they hit the university of pune. Upon entering the dorm on a hot day they found several people fighting for a spot under a fan that had only one blade.

Needless to say the visual image of a patheric fan being fought over by nerdy smelly computer students is very amusing. I have repeated the story to others with differing results. Most found it funny but some skeptics questioned the very foundation of the story, can a one bladed fan run without tearing itself out of the roof? It is scientifically viable for it to remain rooted on the ceiling if the speed was low and then the story would be even more hilarious.

However, why speculate when we can go straight to the horse's mouth? And so i cornered the charlatan and demanded a retell of the story. This time the charlatan, and this should have been expected,  declared that the fan had no blades at all.

Seems that every telling of the story reduces a blade of the fan. If I was sherlock I would deduce that the original story had two whole blades. But I'm not sherlock homey so my story will continue to have the one-blade fan in all its pristine glory
.
Let it not be said that my second hand stories are riddled with inconsistencies.

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Automated Vending Machines

For thousands of years of Indian civilization, decent and law abiding delhites would withdraw money via one of three ways:

1.Send a peon to the state or national bank: This one is for working adults
2.Take it from the back of your parents' Godrej cupboard. Damn that thing makes noise! You know what age you are you pilfering bastards*
3.Beat it out of smaller, weaker children. Ah junior school. good days.*

Then came the global revolution and decent folk rubbed shoulders with dhik-chik puppis at fancy-ass ATMs.

What people may not remember is that there was an automated vending machine up and running well before ATMs took off.

When me and my homeys heard of the first coke machine in the country we had to check it out.1998 was it? This miracle of modern science aptly resided in Ansal's Plaza, the first mall in Delhi.

Anyway we whip out cash ready to feed it to the machine and be rewarded with sweet, sweet coke, but no! We are thwarted by some lame ass peon equivalent with a bandoleer of 5 rupee coin cartridges. He takes our money, removes shiny coins from his belt, puts it in the machine and hands us our coke cans. Damn you vending machine troll!

Never forget that whatever technology achieves, in India human beings will always be cheaper. Take that you dignity of labour bastards!


* I'll have you know I never pilfered money and sadly I was one of the smaller kids. you turds.

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