zen and the art of haircutting
there is a popular cultural notion that barbers, are a hub of news and gossip. In the olden days, it was unsurprising that you would reveal all you know to a man with a razor at your neck and sharp instruments near your eyes. Nowadays with lawsuits and clippers, its harder to mutilate your customers for information.
The other day, two years ago, I went to a barber. A male straight barber in hell's kitchen? Wow I thought to myself. Finally a chance to get a real haircut. Not that weak wussy clipping you get from the female hairdressers at SuperCuts. The man was a grizzled gregarious uzbek. How could he do wrong?
I'll tell you what he did wrong. He kept calling me Raj. Why? According to him every second indian is named after the great Raj Kapoor. He called him great, I didn't. How was I to have known that I had walked into the den of an ex-soviet desi culture assimilating fiend. Damn you cold war, your legacy lives on. I think he even sang some old hindi songs. I don't remember.
And that is their latest tactic. Unable to coerce secret information from you, they use their especially designed metal cutting thingys to skim information off your brain. Thats right, they steal the data from your head! thats why i cant remember the exact details of the haircut that happened two years ago. the fiends!!!! Slowly after many sessions of this hairdata theft, I am left thinner of scalp protection. I know what you, the reader, are thinking. You think I am suffering from paranoid delusions of barber conspiracy theories and that my hair loss is due to age and poor diet. How I wish we lived in such a naive world, a fool's paradise but alas the threat is all too real. You have nothing to fear from hairstylists, they are harmless but old school barbers clip stuff right out of your brain. Still don't believe me? There is a group of individuals renowned for their intellect and wisdom who protected themselves from this attack centuries ago. Surds. Damn right, no haircuts, no brain loss from the 15th century onwards bitch. Their efforts speak for themselves...
consider yourself warned, Beware the sweeney todds of the world and no i don't mean wussy singing johnny depp ones, I is talking about hardcore Ben Kingsley ones....the demon barber of fleet street is coming to get you and pick at your thoughts so that he can look knowledgeble for his next customer.
I'm not convinced you understand the immensity of the situation. Very well, I will reveal one more sub sect of the chosen people who can vouch for the danger of those who wish to know your secrets. Smurfs! hell yeah, smurfs are totally protective of their secrets. Do you know where their secret village is? I bet not. And yes smurfs are a highly evolved variety of surds. See the picture here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papa_Smurf
So young reader, heed my words. so If you ever go to a barber who calls you Raj, you can deduce that you probably a desi
The other day, two years ago, I went to a barber. A male straight barber in hell's kitchen? Wow I thought to myself. Finally a chance to get a real haircut. Not that weak wussy clipping you get from the female hairdressers at SuperCuts. The man was a grizzled gregarious uzbek. How could he do wrong?
I'll tell you what he did wrong. He kept calling me Raj. Why? According to him every second indian is named after the great Raj Kapoor. He called him great, I didn't. How was I to have known that I had walked into the den of an ex-soviet desi culture assimilating fiend. Damn you cold war, your legacy lives on. I think he even sang some old hindi songs. I don't remember.
And that is their latest tactic. Unable to coerce secret information from you, they use their especially designed metal cutting thingys to skim information off your brain. Thats right, they steal the data from your head! thats why i cant remember the exact details of the haircut that happened two years ago. the fiends!!!! Slowly after many sessions of this hairdata theft, I am left thinner of scalp protection. I know what you, the reader, are thinking. You think I am suffering from paranoid delusions of barber conspiracy theories and that my hair loss is due to age and poor diet. How I wish we lived in such a naive world, a fool's paradise but alas the threat is all too real. You have nothing to fear from hairstylists, they are harmless but old school barbers clip stuff right out of your brain. Still don't believe me? There is a group of individuals renowned for their intellect and wisdom who protected themselves from this attack centuries ago. Surds. Damn right, no haircuts, no brain loss from the 15th century onwards bitch. Their efforts speak for themselves...
consider yourself warned, Beware the sweeney todds of the world and no i don't mean wussy singing johnny depp ones, I is talking about hardcore Ben Kingsley ones....the demon barber of fleet street is coming to get you and pick at your thoughts so that he can look knowledgeble for his next customer.
I'm not convinced you understand the immensity of the situation. Very well, I will reveal one more sub sect of the chosen people who can vouch for the danger of those who wish to know your secrets. Smurfs! hell yeah, smurfs are totally protective of their secrets. Do you know where their secret village is? I bet not. And yes smurfs are a highly evolved variety of surds. See the picture here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papa_Smurf
So young reader, heed my words. so If you ever go to a barber who calls you Raj, you can deduce that you probably a desi
posted by zeminky @ 6:36 PM
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