ah, the wholesome old days
When it come to porn a lot of people tend to forget that once upon a time there was no internet for us ex-teenagers. We had to rely on tv for our needs. In the early days of StarTV it was very hard to tell whether a particular show or movie would have any sexually explicit material. It took a real effort to get the goods back then.
That's right, when flipping desperately through channels you have to keep your senses aware for critical visual information such as bits of skin or underwear or perhaps a plot element such as some romantic intrigue in the making etc. The hunt is not always fruitful and many a promising bedroom scene balked at removing bras or would lamely pan to window. Bastards. But then after all the effort there was that brief exquisite moment when the tenuous young whippersnapper was rewarded with the sight of a bit of boob or two.
Even now I think the TV booby flash is so much more important than the mass of free porn one can get from the internet. Many a good movie has been seen (by accident) waiting for the booby flash. Nothing like a good booby flash I say.
Anyway you young whippersnappers need a pointer or two in how to watch unsavoury material in a family living room. Face it there are no locked doors for the tv chamber. People can come in at anytime to ruin your shit. All you want is a little peace to absorb some images and take them with you to a private place like the bathroom. Is that too much to ask for? Heck no, so here's what you got to do.
Choose a time when people traffic is low and smut levels are higher. Night is definitely good. Late night better. Identify the chosen program or channel. For illustrative purposes let us choose the notorious FTV. A good hunter must know his prey.
Make sure you are familiar with the remote. After setting the channel to FTV, flip directly to a safety channel. Some sort of tv show or cricket match or mtv whatever. Practice using the 'Last' button to hop between the two channels. A good hunter must learn how to camouflage and must be one with his weapon. Er.. the remote.
Turn the volume low then set it on mute. You must develop supreme 'flee' reflexes to hop to the safety channel whenever you fear the intrusion of family or servants. Now you must unmute as quickly when you switch, as watching tv on mute is suspicious. Take note of the need to keep the volume low so that when you unmute, there is no sudden sound changes that could set off alarm bells. The advanced booby flash hunter will also learn to flip a channel one up or down upon retreating to the safety channel. E.g. Flip from FTV to StarSports and press +channel to CNN and then back to StarSports. What this does is ensure that no one can flashback to FTV. Practice and it will be one smooth motion. A good hunter must learn to cover his trail.
A small but unexpected earthquake hit Delhi at night. Most of us ran outside. (please note that my dog snoozed through it thus proving animals have no 'sixth sense' and are utterly useless). One friend said the first thing he did was hunt for the remote. He had to change the channel before saving himself. A good hunter must have his priorities straight.
Go forth young hunter and heed my advice and don't forget to wash your hands.
That's right, when flipping desperately through channels you have to keep your senses aware for critical visual information such as bits of skin or underwear or perhaps a plot element such as some romantic intrigue in the making etc. The hunt is not always fruitful and many a promising bedroom scene balked at removing bras or would lamely pan to window. Bastards. But then after all the effort there was that brief exquisite moment when the tenuous young whippersnapper was rewarded with the sight of a bit of boob or two.
Even now I think the TV booby flash is so much more important than the mass of free porn one can get from the internet. Many a good movie has been seen (by accident) waiting for the booby flash. Nothing like a good booby flash I say.
Anyway you young whippersnappers need a pointer or two in how to watch unsavoury material in a family living room. Face it there are no locked doors for the tv chamber. People can come in at anytime to ruin your shit. All you want is a little peace to absorb some images and take them with you to a private place like the bathroom. Is that too much to ask for? Heck no, so here's what you got to do.
Choose a time when people traffic is low and smut levels are higher. Night is definitely good. Late night better. Identify the chosen program or channel. For illustrative purposes let us choose the notorious FTV. A good hunter must know his prey.
Make sure you are familiar with the remote. After setting the channel to FTV, flip directly to a safety channel. Some sort of tv show or cricket match or mtv whatever. Practice using the 'Last' button to hop between the two channels. A good hunter must learn how to camouflage and must be one with his weapon. Er.. the remote.
Turn the volume low then set it on mute. You must develop supreme 'flee' reflexes to hop to the safety channel whenever you fear the intrusion of family or servants. Now you must unmute as quickly when you switch, as watching tv on mute is suspicious. Take note of the need to keep the volume low so that when you unmute, there is no sudden sound changes that could set off alarm bells. The advanced booby flash hunter will also learn to flip a channel one up or down upon retreating to the safety channel. E.g. Flip from FTV to StarSports and press +channel to CNN and then back to StarSports. What this does is ensure that no one can flashback to FTV. Practice and it will be one smooth motion. A good hunter must learn to cover his trail.
A small but unexpected earthquake hit Delhi at night. Most of us ran outside. (please note that my dog snoozed through it thus proving animals have no 'sixth sense' and are utterly useless). One friend said the first thing he did was hunt for the remote. He had to change the channel before saving himself. A good hunter must have his priorities straight.
Go forth young hunter and heed my advice and don't forget to wash your hands.
Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta.
posted by zeminky @ 4:29 PM
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