Carry on Kogi

"...girl...you'll be a woman soon.." Kogi Kashewnut hummed tunelessly while admiring himself in a full length mirror. He had made a decision. A decision he needed to share with his bestest friend.

He called up Zen who answered after two rings. "Hello?"

"What up da?!" Kogi yelled. "No I mean, Konnichi wa Zen san!"

"Oh hey Kogi. What's going on?"

"Oh Zen san, I can't tell you da. I have found my calling in life!"

Zen sighed and braced himself. "Go on Kogi, what is it now?"

"Zen san, I have seen a movie that has changed my life. I am inspired to take up a profession with an ancient heritage. I am going to be a..."

"Hold up a minute Kogi. Haven't we has this conversation already? You cannot be a samurai, ok?"

"Zen san, I humbly be begging forgiveness for samurai nonsense! That was just a foolish, childish impulse da. My new way of life is civilized and sophisticated! I am going to be the greatest geisha in all of Pigeonville!"

Zen choked and silent tears came to his eyes. After a moment he asked tentatively. "Um, Kogi? What makes you think you should be a geisha?"

"Listen da , I mean Zen san. Wait just one minute I will explain why I can do this. See, all this time I am thinking that I am not Japanese so I cannot be geisha, no da? But after seeing fillum, the veil has been stripped from my eyes! The woman who was the hero geisha was not Japanese. She is Chinese! See, you see you need not be Japanese!"

Kogi paused to take a breath and he continued. "You should see me in my kimono and makeup now. I am looking too pretty da! Oh, Oh back to topic da! Then you will ask what about ability to speak Japanese? You see after watching the film, I have learnt they speak English just like you and me! What do you think of that?! I am phully phit and qualified!"

Zen tried reluctantly to humour his poor, mislead friend. "Well Kogi, I'm not sure I've seen a successful geisha wearing glasses."

"No Problem da! I mean san!" Kogi yelled cheerfully. I have eye problem so did hero geisha. Her eyes were all clouded over. I am thinking some serious cataract or like. See no problems at all. Fully qualified. So now I am studying hard at geisha school. Soon I put my mizuage up for bidding."

"Er, Kogi. I doubt that you qualify as a fresh virgin"

"Nonsense. Don't try to fool me like that wicked Hatsumoma did! I can assure you that no man's eel has visited by womanly cave yet. I hope it will be the chairman who wins, he is just sooo dreamy! Why should I not dream? Who says the bunny can't play above the rim?"

Zen dry heaved for a few minutes before taking the next flight from Canadia to Pigeonville and administering a vicious beating to Kogi.