Barry, Lard of the Jungle

As a young booger, Barry wandered from village to village chased and taunted. He was a nomadic pariah of sorts. Sometimes even his god awful aroma wasn't enough to stop the smacking upside the head.

On one of these wanderings there was a particularly vicious stoning attack and Barry ran into the nearby jungle for sanctuary. Nursing his wounds, he wandered down a leafy path. The jungle was cool and dark, there was a smell of rotting vegetation. Animal calls drifted through the canopy of trees. Liquid darkness, a black panther dropped silently onto the path. Muscles moved like steel under his glossy pelt, cat eyes glowed yellow. The beast was magnificent, a killing machine, one of the most feared creatures of the jungle.

Within seconds, Bagheera was doubled over on the jungle floor. He was completely crippled by a combination of violent retching and hysterical laughter.

"What the **** are you?" he managed to wheeze out between another retch and maniacal laughter. "Man, I'd smack you upside the head if it wasn't for your god awful stench" More retching.

And so through the day, Barry went about debilitating the various power groups of the jungle. The grey wolves led by the wise Akela were next, Kaa the python after that, bandar log dropped from their trees, the agonized trumpeting of Hathi's elephants could be heard for miles around. By the afternoon the wild Red dogs and killer bees were also devastated, Baloo had a seizure. At night, the lame tiger, great Sher Khan was done in.

In the twilight, the groaning of the jungle denizens was a song of agony and death. All that remained standing were the very spawn of the devil. Brave Barry wandered into their domain and almost reeled at the stench. "Gadzooks, their aroma is as bad as mine and what is this green carpeting? Why it is their feces! Surely these beasts are not birds for their craps doest look like mine." From the shadows they stepped forth, waddling into the clearing, moonlight reflecting from beady eyes. Their leader, a brute of a goose, walked right up to Barry and smacked him upside the head. It cleared its throat, spat on Barry and croaked "We have never seen such a magnificent display of abonimability since Bappi Lahiri took our eggs many years ago. Our prophets speak of a chosen one who will leads us to glory. Thy odour and repulsive appearance mark you out to be the 'The turd who walks'." And all the geeses ran in up in joy to spit on Barry and smack him upside the head. "All hail Barry, the turd who walks! All hail the prince of turds!"

And thus Barry the Booger also became Barry, Lard of the Jungle.